The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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