I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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