he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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