know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
