The maid of honor just puked.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize