And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
wow bdsm is so cute
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
