She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
