and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Randomize
