She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
