Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Randomize
