carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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