I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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