he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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