I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
