i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
