I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
