What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
