Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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