he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize