I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
