I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
