So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
