i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
