He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
