my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
