ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
