I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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