Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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