there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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