So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
