I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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