Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
