Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
