Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Sorry about my life...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
