Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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