4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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