I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
