he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Moan for me like Helen Keller
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
