His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
