neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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