Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
