I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
