Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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