Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
