So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You did what with his pubic hair?
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