He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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