omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
