Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
What a dumb baby whore.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
