guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
