the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
