the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
