Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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