i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
