Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize