he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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