there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
