so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My dad just said "fuck circus"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
