it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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