the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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