Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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