seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
