the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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