so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
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