Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
