They should really pass out barf bags in church
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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