Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
