Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
