I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
