just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
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