Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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