i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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