I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
3pm strippers are depressing
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
