He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
