I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
