I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I will be naked everywhere
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
