I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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