He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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