Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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