im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize