wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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