Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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