He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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