So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
