he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
