Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
