I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
