omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
