he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
