i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
