But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
