I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
