I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
