so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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