some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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