Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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