She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize