she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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