She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
