i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We left an ass print on the piano.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Holy sore nipples Batman
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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