Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
