What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
