is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
