I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
