the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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