Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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