Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
