if you like me you must not know who I am
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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