She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
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