i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
