Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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