my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
