im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
