Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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