Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
4 words: hood of his car
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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