if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
