I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
