Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
