so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
