Who wears a wallet chain?!
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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