This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
