I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
