There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Randomize
