i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
