on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
