Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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